Writing for the BBC

For any aspiring screen-writers, the BBC Writer's Room is well worth exploration. Though the BBC has a reputation for repetitive stuffy drama, they do promise to read everything submitted. 

Scripts for mini-series, one off dramas and afternoon plays are accepted, though they want completed work of at least a 40 minute script. If script-writing's your thing, this is a brilliant portal into national television. 

Have a wander around the website - you'll find a whole host of valuable tools including free downloads for script formatting, and point-by-point checklists to give you the best possible chance at commission. 

Enjoy! 

Rhyme, Rhythm and Reason

Lyrics are the deciding factor on whether a song is added to my playlist or forever sanctioned to my what-a-load-of-crap bank.


Melody has a lot of sway - where notes are so well crafted together that they spread appreciative goose-bumps up the back of the neck. But ultimately, if the lyrics have been thrown together with no consideration of rhythm or even general sense, I find it impossible to warm to the song.


For example, Lady 'I'm-so-batty-and-eccentric-you-have-to-label-me-groundbreaking' GaGa, puts some fairly decent melodies together (does she? Or does a minion do that? I actually have no idea), but I've often heard more sense from the mouth of my one year old. It's difficult to understand, because if you've gone to the trouble of creating a truly inspired piece of music; why would you carelessly throw words into the mix until they fit - regardless of context or general coherence?


It's been a pet-hate for a while - and it doesn't just seem to be the general evolution of music either; artists either care about the words they're releasing to the world or they don't. Are catchy tunes enough? Am I the stand-alone weirdo? One line out of place has the potential to ruin an entire song for me.


For example, I'm a big fan of Eminem's new single - 'I Love the Way You Lie'. Rihanna's chorus is melodic and the words fit perfectly with it. Eminem's verses are dark and powerful - such a decent song. But this:


'Just got to sit and watch her leave out the window -
I guess that's why they call it window-pain / pane (?).'


Oh. Dear.


I cringe every time that line comes round. Awful. Truly terrible. Not a clever pun. Just BAD. I'm trying to ignore it, because the rest of the four and a half minutes are brilliant.


There are so many songs that I've ranted about in my 26 years. So just for fun, I bring you -


Top Ten bad lyrics:


10. There's an insect in your ear, If you scratch it won't disappear ~ U2
9. Young, black and famous, With money hangin' out the anus ~ P Diddy
8. Lucky that my breasts are small and humble So you don't confuse Them with mountains ~ Shakira
7. She blew my nose, then she blew my mind ~ Rolling Stones
6. Chickity China the Chinese chicken, You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' ~ Barenakedladies
5. Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin, I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning ~ Lady GaGa
4. "I am," I said, To no one there, and no one heard at all, Not even the chair. ~ Neil Diamond
3. Touch my bum: This is Life ~ The Cheeky Girls
2. Hoochie mama - show your nana ~ S Club 7
1. I don't want to see a ghost, I'd rather have a piece of toast ~ Des'ree


Please do let me know if I have missed any....

Murder? It's not murder - it's progression!

There are a lot of new-age linguists putting poison pen to wasted paper at the moment, spouting off about how 'text-talk' is not killing the English language. It's merely progression, they say.

Progression, smrogression.

If the English language were a man - an actual living, breathing man - charges in court would be gross negligence, harassment and attempted man-slaughter.

A somewhat nut-shell example, but the below should illustrate:

1600's

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?


Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,


And summer's lease hath all too short a date:


Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,


And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;


And every fair from fair sometime declines,


By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;


But thy eternal summer shall not fade


Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;


Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,


When in eternal lines to time thou growest:


So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,


So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

20th Century

You're a bit like summer, 

But probably a bit better. 

Summer is short and eventually disappears -

But you'll always be lovely. 

I think you'll still be quite fit with wrinkles. 

Now

M8, luvin ur gear atm

Luk amzn!!

UR lke sumr, 

Bt, u'll b btfl 4eva!

Enough said?